Our parents didn’t always have the right words. In fact, theirs was a different language altogether- the language of food. This is no way negates your wishes to be comforted in this way, to hear the words you so longed to hear, the words that would have done much to ease your suffering and calm your fears. That would have made you feel held and cared for.
AND...
They did what they could with what they knew, with what they were taught. These two truths can co-exist. Maybe they didn’t say those things the way you were hoping to hear them. But maybe they said it in a different way. Through grocery shopping, chopping vegetables, and pouring their heart into their cooking. In this act of service, there is so much meaning.
What do you think your parents were communicating to you through their cooking? What do you imagine they were saying that may have been too difficult for them to say out loud? What happens for you when you think about this? Are you able to find some comfort?
The pain of being missed and emotionally neglected runs deep. It is a journey to heal those younger, tender parts. As adults, we now have resources that we didn’t have when we were younger. How can we use those resources to care for those young parts? In what ways can you parent your inner child that you didn’t get growing up? How can you show her that she is not alone? That she has a safe space now. In you.